i keep cursing in ice cream flavors and my mom has told me to stop
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update: i still haven’t stopped
how do you curse in ice cream flavors
what the mint chocolate chip did you say to me punk
i’ll kick your rocky road and then punch the ever loving strawberry cheesecake out of you
that was beautiful
You guys I’m in Disney World and this afternoon my blood sugar dropped so low I got separated from my family and somehow bought an ice cream and then blacked out and woke up on a bench with chocolate sauce all over my arms and Mickey Mouse putting a cold towel on my head this truly is a magical place.
breaking news: harry potter has quit his job as an auror!
stating that ‘i have no idea why i thought that was a good idea, holy shit’, potter has since relocated to diagon alley and reopened florean fortescue’s ice cream parlour. in a comment, potter said ‘yeah. yeah, this seems more like it’ and added ‘i mean, he gave me ice cream that one time. loved that guy.’
Brain Freeze!
I’m sure everyone has at least experienced brain freeze. We sit we groan and complain, swearing that we won’t do it again but seconds later there we are eating ice cream. So here’s the alien part. We’re sitting eating ice cream and hello brain freeze. We do our usual curl up and pray for it to stop when along come one of our crew mates. They inquire to what is wrong and we reply ‘Just a brain freeze. Cue them picking you up and sprinting to the med bay because ‘Our human’s brain is turning to ice! They’re dying!’
Do you ever think about the word ‘can’t’
Like, when you say, “Why can’t you get me some ice cream?”
You’re really saying, “Why can not you get me some ice cream?”
How have I gone through my entire life as a writer and not realized this
I had a similar epiphany with “Don’t you dare” being “Do not you dare.”
English is weird.
Forever grateful that English is my first language.
An anon requested an "unconventional" set of tags for the tag game going around (where people reblog and write in the words and click whatever tag shows up first). So here’s some ones that I don’t think I’ve seen around before!
- chocolate
- kill
- done
- try
- stop
- why
“And then he blocked me.”
—Peter Parker, sitting in Ned’s room with a tub of ice-cream, tears in his eyes, after sending Tony one too many memes
I mean… I get that you want to align Roy Mustang with lawful good because he’s a high ranking military officer, but the man literally overthrew the government because he didn’t like it
things that actually happened in my high school
1. in the middle of am homeroom (so like 9am in the morning) a kid just broke out a pint of ice cream and started eating it. and i guess it wouldnt have been that bad except once people noticed, everyone started whispering and pointing until half the class was surrounding the table literally BEGGING for some. the teacher actually had to stop reading the morning announcements and give a speech on how you shouldn’t give death threats over ice cream.
2. this kid i was sitting next to once went home bc he got a massive headache after staring straight into a lightbulb for 2 minutes bc he “was bored and wanted to see what would happen.” he ended up taking 3 advils after that, got paranoid and made the entire table search “how many pills of advil does it take to overdose” on a school computer.
3. there was a HUGE ASS fly in the room and the teacher thought itd be a great idea to kill it by throwing a folder 4inches thick with papers in its general direction; it ended up going across the room and hitting a poor, innocent kid in the face so hard that the other kids at the table scrammed and started yelling “EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF”…and when i tell you that this fly was huge,,it was literally so MASSIVE that this one girl almost started crying when it flew near her, someone actually tried throwing a cup of coffee at it, and another person started screaming ZIKA VIRUSSSS and something about how they weren’t vaccinated. and mind you the majority of the students are dressed in fancy attire bc of the national honor society ceremony that was later in the afternoon. in the midst of all this chaos, this one kid stands up, doesnt say anything and literally just ninja slams his bare hand onto the table and kills the fly all in one fluid motion, all without saying a single word. the entire class just broke out in thunderous applause, including the teacher, and then class continued as normal as if the past 10 minutes didn’t even happen
4. during first period a teacher who lost a ton of weight over a 2 year period was giving serious advice about the importance of living a healthy lifestyle while this kid right in front of the teacher’s desk breaks out a FULL mcdonalds breakfast meal and distributes it among the table
5. kids that were in apush and ap spanish held a joint prayer vigil the day before ap exams began, so that ap students could literally hold hands and pray to survive exam season as well as mourn our high grades. everyone who went was required to bring in fake candles and food, while someone else conducted a prayer service. a special invitation was sent using our school emails, you had to rsvp in order to attend, and it was suggested that you wear black. our ap teachers knew about this, and they agreed it was a good idea somehow
human: *is heating up food*
alien: why are you doing that?
human: you see i want the particles in my food to vibrate at just the right frequency
Human: *is eating ice cream*
alien: wait you forgot to make that one vibrate!
human: well, you see, not with this food